you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
