so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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