I puked a lego.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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