I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
