I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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