it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
