omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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