PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
