Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
