omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
