Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
