Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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