He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
