Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
