Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We had to coat check the pizza.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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