Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
