when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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