just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
