Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we're making bets on your personal life
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
