Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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