Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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