Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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