great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
