i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
