I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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