My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
