Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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