My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
