I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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