How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
