I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
where are you?
Hypothermia
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
