why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
