Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
