I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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