trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
