You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
