then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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