dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
