I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
