I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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