An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
