I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
