go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
