oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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