I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
