Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Boobs are out for the taking
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
