apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I skipped work to stalk him.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
