I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
