I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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