i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
