lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
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