I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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