Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
