I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We got so high we made milksteak
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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