There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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