I'm going to jail i love you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
